My Final Fantasy

It was dark and silent, but very peaceful. Down in the deep water, something started pulsating, strong and clear, as if it's calling for rebirth. Strings of bubbles thrash out from the young man's mouth. Awoken from a long dream, he stretched out his long, lethargic body, whilst he knows instantly that another being is waiting for him out there; he knows she's coming. He eagerly swam out of the dark ocean to reach for fresh air, the ocean graceful and calm, the sky a cloudless blue, and the whole world filled with hope like it has been arranged everything for their reunion. Once he got his first touch with the sunlight, he looked excitedly around and swam to the coast with joy. Suddenly, the water started vibrating like it is welcoming its old friend. The familiar hum of an engine was unmistakably heard. He turned around with a prognostic sense as a giant aircraft flew just above him, summoning his amiable memories with its familiar shadow. He smiled with release as the girl jumped off from the aircraft running as fast as she possibly can, and bearing no another single wasted second, they embraced tightly, engulfing each other with their collective scents. At that moment, every effort had paid off because of love.

I stood up in front of the computer and took a big breath as I sprawled, picturing the whole plot from top to bottom. It was a sacred animation I yearned for so long. I closed this Final Fantasy X-2 series ending with reluctance after watching it numerous times. I was fully satisfied. I lazily turned my head to the window, the sky dim with flying crows cackling, the sun invisible with the thick mist covering the city with sadness. It is late June in Canton, the after-rain moist making me suffocate. I sat quietly while reviewing some newly released manga and animations on the web in a corner of the plain and heavy walls surrounded by oppress nihility. My room was dark as usual, only the small table lamp on my computer desk providing a fragile gleam around me. I lifted my legs ponderously and walked to the bathroom with caution, avoiding making the mess on the floor even messier. The light had been turned on and I can barely see myself from the mirror, but somehow, I knew that my hair was untidy and my eyes puffy like a panda. I'm sure this level of exhaustion is physically normal as I had spent more than half of the 365 days in front of my computer. But my expression made me mentally intolerable as I brought my face closer to the mirror, questioning why my mom didn't offer me a more enchanting appearance. The water surged out from the narrow tap, whirring. I splashed my face from the sink, hoping to wash out all the imperfection, but unfortunately, Mr. Water doesn’t qualify for a plastic surgeon license. I was still feeling confused after I toweled my face and kept telling and forcing myself to admit the reality. Maybe it doesn’t work this way. I jumped back onto my throne quickly after the unpleasant refreshment. The real world doesn't belong to me, I confessed to myself. It was dark and silent, my cursor naturally clicked on the special edition of Final Fantasy XII. Yes, this is me, a girl who loses herself in an addicted fantasy.

It was a cozy night at the time when I walked down the street, passing through the masked crowd and wishing to find my quiet destination beyond the perplexed noise. People moving across me like glum statues, hanging miserably on to a repetitive lifestyle. I noticed two well-dressed couple coming out from a fancy restaurant with arms on each other's shoulder, chatting and laughing at a filthy movie they saw last night. Meanwhile, there is a hoary beggar exerting to crawl forward in a street corner. He twisted his body into a dehumanize form, waving his slim atrophic arm severely to beg a petite attention under the couple's eyelashes. But like most street flyers, he failed to cast off the fact that he’s only a trivial part of the city setting that nobody will even give a glance to. The couple walked past him mercilessly toward their Mercedes Benz, the beggar had once again reconfirmed his indiscernible existence in this world. The night was sweltering, but I suddenly felt nippy under the skin. I dropped off few changes and continued my way back home with an additional sense of melancholy. There’s no starry night I long for in this city, but as always, I was on foot that night so that I could spend more time appreciating the nocturnal beauty of darkness. I stopped on a pedestrian bridge. The sky's obfuscation reechoed my old memories. I tried to imagine what it feels like to be as part of that story, as a significant individual connected to legendary emperors and citizens, princes and princesses, summoners and monsters, magic and heroes, lost and hope, mystery and history. My heart pumped zealously as these chemicals in my brain started bouncing. It will be a dream world embraced by the future, full of adventures and filled with aspiration.

The cars' flashlight tingled my eyes, and the buzzing noise thumped my ears. I noticed the city will never give me a quiet moment. I wished I could escape this cynical reality. "Please take me out", I murmured in my heart.

"Where do you want to go?" a soft voice suddenly came from the back. I hitched, never expecting a second person will interrupt my inner conversation, a heart-to-heart which I've always kept private to myself. My eyes searched curiously, then were stunned by a familiar face. "I'm here for a trip", she said, "to see other worlds beside my own.” She looked at the wane moon with a release in her eyes. She has a face of an angel, too perfect to be real. Her fortitude empowers a change of history. She's the determined princess of Dalmasca who lost her husband in the Archadian invasion but never gives up. She's also a pursuer who fights for freedom instead of revenge. Her name is Ashe, lives in an inexistent creation called Final Fantasy.

"Whh…" I tried to make a sound with my mouth loaded with hundreds of questions. "I feel tired,” she lowered her sight and moved her attention to the shuttling lights on the street. "I’m tired of a world full of reminiscences,” she added, then turned her lissome body around and started ambling down the bridge. "But seems like you don't want to be here though", she said as I chased after her thread of fragrance that blended with the breeze. The inconspicuous lamplight involved us into its shade, expanding her hazy shadow in front of me, and further elongating our distance. "Do you?" she asked as if she already knew the reply. Obviously a big no, I answered it to myself, not a world full of ugliness and hatred. I stared into space as her moves echoed the scenes of her legendary adventures, valiant and brilliant. Under her sky, there is limitless freedom and undoubted sensational passion. There won’t be anything to be afraid of in her world anymore. I wish one day I could build up my own sky like hers.

The princess’ paused step pulled back my consciousness. I noticed she's glancing at the cloudy but aircrafts-less sky, feeling unease about the emptiness.
"It's a very different world, but somehow I can still hear his breath, see his phantom and feel his temperature". It was her late husband she's thinking of, a blessing marriage that ended at its start. Maybe death is a term that a living person could never understand.

"He promised me he will come back that night, but all I had back was his cold and still body", she twisted the silver ring between her fingertips, the watery gleams reflected over her slate blue eyes. "He was always smiling, even the moment before his departure, I felt all my worries had been relieved, because I know he is the one I can count my whole world on", she sighed as the wane moon dangles high upon the silent blue reminding her his smiling face.

Suddenly, an intensive impulse surged in my mind, I wanted to console her, tell her everything is going to be OK, but then I realize a person like me who don’t even have the courage to face life doesn't deserve to make any comments, so my words were swallowed back to my stomach, knowing they won't make a difference.
"I think I will never forget him", she closed her eyes, slightly roused up her chin as she took a big breath, "If we can rewind time", she continued and said, "I will stop him from leaving that gate, and stop him from leaving me alone, but there is no going back", a flinty smile hardly climbed up her face. "Although our love is only based on promises and trust, it's all we needed, even though life is not eternal, but death doesn't mean a forever departure, because what makes our brief life more important and meaningful are those twinkling encounters, happiness, and beautiful memories that could last forever".

At that moment, I felt something alike between us, as a human. Perhaps God is fair. He created us with his own blood that has the tastes of every ingredients of life - sweet, bitter, or sometime blended with sour. And how these tastes will taste is entirely depending on our buds. We are the lucky one to own this gift- the most sorrowful and pleasurable present of life.
All the sudden, I noticed something icy fell on my forehead, it was snowing. The bleached snowflakes blurred my sight. Fairy tales say that snow is the greeting from people in Heaven for people on earth. If it's true, then I'm sure it will keep blessing till it had disseminated the whole city.
"I won't run anymore,” she shouted out as if she's making a promise for him.
"Life is incomplete without lost and pain. And girl, you should cherish what you have in this living impermanency!"

I could no longer clearly discern her face from the snowy night anymore, yet her words were loud and clearly delivered through the snow to my heart.
"I don't belong in this world just like you don't belong in mine. Don't waste your life on my story. And finally someday you will have to grow up bravely, close up those lovely fairy tales, and look up to the glaring sunlight in this real world".
Her breath faded, leaving the innocent and delicate crystals blooming in the air, soaking every cell of mine, and filling in each single vein in my fresh.

"Deng-Dong.” A noise retrieved me from the clouds. I gently opened up my eyes, the monitor in front of me still on, waiting quietly for my operation. I lifted my head up from the computer desk, and gave my muddled brain two light slaps. "You have one new e-mail,” my MSN reminded me again after waking me up. I closed the popped up window, and found out last night's animation had already stopped. When did I fell asleep? I couldn't even remember.

A strand of first light stroked through the slits of window blinds, whipping around the darkness in the room, and warming up my blood through the tiny skin pores. I opened up the window and hungrily inhaled the first breath of morning fresh air. There was a layer of dewy mist decorating the ginger sky. The rising sun gave out every living-being a big egg-yolk smile welcoming another brand new start of the day. I never felt so refreshing before. I recognized I’d no longer detest the foggy weather because of how it conceals everything with its grey. In this particular morning, I had an assured feeling that there will be surprises waiting for me somewhere patiently within the city corners.